A Friend...

     She was one of your best friends, when you first met your story started out a little rocky, but soon became better, and the next think you knew you were best friends. She fit right in with you and your other friends, and she soon became one of few friends that you would talk to about guys, and she'd completely get it. The reason she got it... was because she was in the same boat you were. She understood and listened when you explained and didn't say a word as you explained your past to her. You told her about what you wanted to do when you grew up, told her about failed relationships and the relationships you wished would get stronger faster. She was the one you talked to about mostly everything. She was one year younger than you, but when you were with her you quickly forgot about the age difference because she seemed so mature. You loved hanging out with her because she made you smile, she gave you a hug every time you saw her, and you would both help each other get your full confidence back. Within a month of being close friends a guy steps in, you couldn't' relate to her anymore because you no longer knew how to comprehend what she was telling you. She had gotten her heart broken in a week, and he quickly moved on to your best friend's sister. All you could say was "you don't deserve this and he doesn't' deserve you" and try to help mend the broken heart.

     About a month later you find out that another friend likes him also, adn supposedly that friend has liked him for at least a year now. You keep it a secret from everybody until one day at you, it comes out. All of it, the secrets about the messages, the flirting, and the feelings that might have possibly been exchanged. You and your friends decide to leave it as nobody gets him, and everybody is only friends with him. At least that's what you thought everybody agreed on. You all soon became friends with this guy, and start hanging out before, during, and after church. Getting your occasional hugs and just having fun being friends. Until one day when she and the guy are talking, she decides to tell him how she feels. Suddenly he ignores her messages, doesn't hug her as much or joke around. That's when things started to "not go as planned."

      Trying to be her friend and his wasn't easy. Within a few months you and your friends are standing in a circle around him and laughing because you didn't' know what argyle was, and everybody is laughing... except her. You tell her to just be friends with him, and soon enough everything will be fine. Not hearing much more on how much it hurt to be around him, you only see the result of you hanging out with him. She starts excluding herself from the group. She says she feels like she's interrupting your friendship with your best friend and she doesn't fit in. Then on top of that he isn't her friend anymore. You don't know what to say because six months ago it was just the four of you. No guys, it was just best friends till the end, and nothing was going to get in the way, and suddenly she feels excluded.
     You find yourself trying to prove that you're her friend, that she does belong in the group, that she is pretty, she does have friends, and people that care about her. Your other friend gets annoyed with her, but you say "she just needs a friend to be there, this is hard for her, and i haven't gotten annoyed yet or affected by all of this. so i see no problem in it." Finally the weekend you all and been waiting for, everybody was so excited for Fine Arts weekend. The day started out bad when you spilled your coffee on yourself, and you didn't have time to straighten your hair completely, but things had to get better. The bus ride was crazy and so wast he day, walking back and fourth across the entire convention center, getting in trouble once, and getting jealous of your best friends. The same guy says you don't need to worry about what he thinks because you're beautiful, and funny, and if you feel like you need t change to fit him. Then he's just not good enough. This makes you smile and you find that you have found and new friend in him and you enjoy it until you start worrying about her. She feels light headed; she needs water, and can't walk around much. She faints right before dinner and you don't know why or what's really happened. Come to find out she hadn't eaten all day. She had lied about eating lunch, she hadn't eaten breakfast and she refused to go get a snack. It was plain and simple, she starved herself. You know why she did it also, to get him to notice.
     The next day you wake up and you feel bad about the night before, things hadn't gone as planned between everybody and there was nothing you could do to fix it. Your friend is feeling better, thank heavens, and your day is better. You hang out with your friends and him all day, and when she notices that you were becoming better friends with him she doesn't like it. You find out that you didn't' make it to nationals in anything, but they guy you like did. You feel a little hurt; you built up all that confidence just to have some of it torn down again. Then she says she needs to talk to you. So you follow her out and you can't believe your ears. She tells you that you like him, your being a bad friend, and so on. You walk away trying not to cry, you go to the bathroom, you can't cry at this point. You ask your friend if she's seen your mother she says no. So you turn to your best friend in the entire world, she says "are you okay?" and the tears come "not here you don't" she says as she drags you to the corner. You tell her everything that had just gone down, an adult leader sees this and asks if you're okay. You say yes you're positive and she goes away. The friend that you ask if she'd seen your mom walks over and says "oh don't worry honey we'll find her!" That gives you a laugh and you then explain to her what's happened, soon enough you get attacked with hugs. It feels better. You walk out, your eyes still wet, make-up still running you pass the guy you like and you know he noticed. That was the only good thing that came. Your mom asks what's wrong and you say you'll tell her later.
     The next day you go to church and you don't know what to do, you feel like you lost your best friend. You tell everyone that your fine it just hurt, and they tell you it'll be alright. You go up to the altar and a friend turns around, hugs you and says it'll be alright. Then your best friend hugs you and you burst into tears. You leave for the bathroom and your pastor's wife follows quickly behind. She tells you it's not your fault and makes you feel better. By the next Wednesday you are friends again. Your relationship with her gets stronger as you are fighting to get er to eat. You find out that she's starting to go anorexic on you and you and your best to make sure she eats. You tell her that he does care about her. He cares about all of you girls, and within the time of trying to prove he does care, you get closer to him. You end up going to his graduation party and swimming at his house, and staying there until three in the morning watching a movie. When you tell her about it she backs off and tells you that it's not easy trying to get through all this pain with him, and then your standing there telling her how close you and him are. The next thing you know she's telling you that she's bulimic, and her mother found out. You try your best to help her get over it, but one day it slips your mind and the next day you get yelled at. The way you see it you have a choice, him or her. Eight months ago it would have been no big deal, but the last month pops into your head. All you had done to get her to eat, all of the messages, all of the drama. You know you want to keep her as a friend so you respect her wishes and say sorry.
     The next Sunday you and your best friend had been talking about her and you're seeing the same patterns in her. Over and over. So you decide to test out your theories thinking "hey what do i have to lose?" you suddenly make up this story about going to a graduation party and hanging out with him all the time and being so close to him. You see the expression on her face go from a smile to frown as she says that she has to go and walks out. Your best friend begs for a hug, but your tired of it and figure she'll come back around, so you don't offer her one. Two hours later you come home to a very sarcastic message on facebook. The next two days are fighting back and fourth over messages with you, her and your best friend, you compliment her, and then criticize her. All she does it criticize you. And yet again tell how bad of a friend you are. Within the last week you had discovered who you are and who you wanted to be, and you decided that it was enough you weren't going to take this verbal abuse anymore. You tell her off by saying "BTW... I"m not the one shoving my finger down your throat so don't every say that I'm one of the causes of your stupid bulimia... you know the only reason you got bulimic is because you like control over the drama and you want attention. Well here it is. You finally have it and you are losing your two "best friends" Congrats!" and that was your final goodbye, suddenly that girl that you could relate to so well... The one that you could tell everything to... the one that you knew would be right there, by your side... was gone. Pshh you knew you had more friends so you didn't care. You tried to cry yourself to sleep cause it was all supposed to hurt like it did before, but no tears came. The next Wednesday you were laughing about it, knowing you were free! You have found who you are, and you were going to stick to it. Two days after that, you start wondering whether or not you made a mistake. It didn't' hurt, in matter of a fact it felt great, being able to stand up there with the confidence you had. On the other hand, you sit at the computer for hours waiting for someone to get on so you can talk to them. That someone used to be her, that that's gone. Your friends are spread across the world and you have nobody to talk to. you have nobody to hang out with, to cry to about your family because all of your friends are out enjoying their lives. Eight months ago the decision would have been no big deal, easily you would have chosen her, but within the second you decided to respond to the sarcastic message you made your decision. You chose him. The choice wasn't hard. You were mad at her, he had done absolutely nothing wrong except change his mind at the very beginning. So of course you chose him.... you know the choice wasn't hard, because you made it so quickly.... but it may have been the wrong one.