To Lose You

Sometimes it feels as though I've lost everything in the world. Not so much from the choices I make but from the choices others make. For example: Mom gets a new job, and the person who is training her decides that she is not proficient enough so they let her go, just like that. Everything I had hoped to gain, now gone. Or there is the fact that three years ago I had the best group of friends in the world, and then it hit a turning point. I was heartbroken to learn that my cousin had just... left. I thought I had lost any connection I had with her, because I would never get to see her. At the time it seemed to be the most life altering thing in the world. But quickly when something bad happens, something good happens too. We gained another, and kept going... the story is long, but at the end we all ended up going our separate ways except two of us... and again it seemed like I had lost everything in the world except one thing... you.


But just as quickly as everything breaks into a million pieces, everything gets picked up and life moves on... and that's what happened. I thought I knew what it was like to almost lose everything in the world when things hit rock bottom a few years ago but I never knew what it was like to lose everything. Until they moved, I was mortified; I didn't want them to leave. My world as I knew it was over, and there was only one solution, figure out where they were headed and take you with me, but I knew you wouldn't leave so for you I stayed behind, thinking I was finding out what it was really like to loose everything, but then again I was wrong I didn't loose everything, I still had... you.

Now it's been over a year since they left at times you and I share the same feelings about what had all happened. You understand what I went through, because we went through it together, and all I have to say is that if that summer. That horrible beginning when it all fell apart, if it weren't for the celebration two weeks later, if we had just kept avoiding each other, I honestly don't know what I would have done. I wouldn't have known it but at that point it would have truly lost everything. I would have lost... you.

I need you to know that if it weren't for you I would have drifted away. I would have excluded myself from the youth, probably gone with them to another church. If it weren't for you I wouldn't have a best friend by my side, I wouldn't have someone to talk to before and after church. I would constantly feel alone. If it weren't for you things would seem to be ten times worse than they already are. I need you to know that I fear of the day, a horrible day, when we go our separate ways for I don't know how long. I am terrified that one day I will loose your number, that facebook will cost money and we will loose touch. That life gets in the way, because whether or not we had gotten into a fight and lost each other, or you left me by myself in a church I've known my entire life, but feel like a stranger in, you will still be gone.

So please make me this promise right now, that no matter what we will always have each other, because I am truly terrified. I can't imagine how it would have been if I hadn't asked you if the snow cones cost money that day. I don't know what I would have done if we hadn't sat in the room that day and just talked. I don't know what I would have done if we never went swimming that day and then to see the fireworks, because I can't imagine loosing everything in the world...and in order to do that I would have to loose… you.